…in which I get angry, then forget why

One thing’s for sure: Whenever I’m in need of a little belly fire, I can’t miss with the ‘Bottle. Stavros is to the rarified, just-us-gang-in-the-treehouse text-meme mutual autofellatio that passes for intellectual discourse in this here blog-o-whatsit what napalm and sandpaper are to the human rectum; I’ll leave you to work out the details but the upshot is, whenever he may be full of shit, at least it’s his own shit, and that’s refreshing. All textulo-rectal revivification aside, though, have you actually seen these things? (Note to Digg/Del.icio.us/whatthefuckever users, and all my fellow blog pilots: I know you’ve all been reading and\or blogging your little bloodshot eyeballs out over this for a week now, so bear with me as I give the percolating shitpot a belated stir or two.)

Now, at the risk of giving up the surprise ending, I have absolutely nothing to say about this issue that hasn’t been said, with greater or lesser degrees of coherence, already, save this: It’s not so much the blogoNazi overtones of the scheme which offend me; it’s not even the notion that Tim O’Reilly and the other A-listers sitting on the rim of the electro-global spunk bucket know what’s best for all of Homo Connectivus. Hells, if someone wants to step up and don the Paper Hat of Immutable Authority and attempt to impose order on this cavorting shitstorm, far be it from me to refuse the opportunity to sit back, crack a cold one, and indulge my puerile inclinations with a mean-spirited existential laugh at their expense.

No, my friends, what really bothers me is that the Blog Collective pooled its collective intellectual and social resources in an attempt to foist the Will of Blog upon us (for our own good, as always), and this is the best they could come up with. Badges. Badges. I’ve seen more effective and compelling political machinations backstage at a grade-school play.

A Code of Conduct? Christ on a gold-plated pogo stick. Do I at least get a gold star at the end of the week if I’ve contributed positively to the public discourse? Deputize me, Tim. We’ll hit the long trail together, riding tall in the Ikea office chair, and bring those comment-spamming, flame-warring varmints to justice. Have keyboard, will travel. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

 

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